Saturday, October 16, 2010

The Year of Living Generously--Part 2

I warned you that this generosity thing was going to be multi-parter. 

So the pillow wasn't the only great thing about knitting group the other night.  Last week, BadKitten and I had a really fun conversation. At least I thought it was fun.   Well, it turned out that she thought it was fun too because she showed up with something really cool for me.  I know this is a little bit of a tease but I'm going to launch a new feature on the blog tomorrow so you'll hear all about it then.

New topic--being generous is not always easy.  But I do think it's worth it and I like the way it makes me feel.  And, in an odd way, I'm glad that there has been a little bit of struggle along with all the benefits of it.  Because so far, each time I've ended up feeling like I did the right the thing and that was the point here, right?

Tomorrow I'm going to a memorial service for a dear friend.  And a few weeks ago, I realized that another person who really cared for Mark was no longer in my life but would probably want to know about the service.  At the same time, a few funny little things on the web came along (thank you facebook friends) that I thought would amuse him, so, even though I haven't seen or spoken to him in months, I forwarded them to him.  Yes, I know, that's a very passive way of reaching out to someone but I really wanted to start slowly.
And I got no response.  Crap.  My passive approach got me no closer to letting him know about the service.

So I took a slightly less passive approach (but yes, I know, still passive) and sent a text message.  I composed what I thought was a really nice message.  But maybe I was too honest.  I told him that I no longer had any hard feelings even though I still felt that I had some unfinished business with him.  And I said that I was still seeking closure and some resolution but that I was really progressing in that and that I hoped he was well and happy.  I asked if we could talk because I had a few things to tell him.

I expected to get a response to this (it's summarized above just so you can get the jist of it--it was a really nice message).  I thought he was say sure and I would get to tell him about Mark's service.  And I did get a response but, ironically, it was pretty snippy and he informed me that he saw no reason to talk to me.

Crap again.  I should have just sent the text about Mark's service and left out anything personal because, really, my life has been so much better without this person.  I just thought that, since we ended so poorly, a little kindness was in order. 

And  now here I was stuck with him still not knowing about the service.  And I'll tell you, I really struggled with that this week.  But, I knew all along that this was not about me--it was about Mark.  So last night, I manned up and left a very simple message with the details.  And it was hard.  I'm sure my voice was shaking and I probably sounded like an idiot but I did it and guess what? I felt great when it was done. 

Because I had done the right thing, even though it was difficult for me to do.  More proof that generosity is the right choice.   

I'm off to Rhinebeck for NYS Sheep and Wool and it's an amazingly beautiful day.  I'm going to be with my people--and I'm going to relish every moment of it.

To be continued....

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