Balance

When I started this post today, it was called Strangers.  But as I wrote it I realized that the idea of strangers was a small part of what was really on my mind. 

I've still been thinking about interdependence a lot and the concept of balance keeps emerging.  Balance is not equality.  Or tit for tat.  It's not "the groceries are $10.15 so here's $5.08 and you have to pay the extra penny next time."  Balance is not readily measurable. 

Balance is catching someone when they are falling.  It's picking someone up who fell too fast.  And it's being caught when you are falling and picked up when it's your turn to hit the ground hard.  It's flying high together.  Sometimes, it's being loud while someone else is quiet.  Sometimes, it's singing along to the radio together.  It's one person navigating while the other drives.  But it doesn't just come from personal relationships.  It comes from inner contentment and thoughtfulness.  It comes from knowing yourself and loving the person who you are. And, often, it comes from strangers.

This week I found two things on Ravelry. 

The first is this beautiful new baby.  I don't know her and I don't know her parents but for whatever reason, she has come to represent birth and beginnings and all babies to me.  She's beautiful and I find myself going back to visit her.  She makes me cry happy tears and giggle out loud.

The second is this young woman.  She died in April in an accident on the camping trip that she mentions on her blog.  I don't know her either and didn't start reading her blog until after her death.  And I wept openly for her.  Just as the baby has come to represent a concept to me, this young woman has come to represent loss.   In the pieces of herself that she shared on her blog, I see so many other woman who I have known and loved in my life.

And in that there is balance.  Beginning and end.  Life and loss.  From strangers.   

I am finally feeling balanced in my life.  So much so that I am surprised at just how unbalanced my life was.  That doesn't mean that there weren't wonderful things in my life or fabulous moments or kind and loving people.  It means that there were bad things, and rotten moments and really crappy people and I let those things take over.

Balance is learned.  You have to try to balance on a two-wheeler, it doesn't just happen.  But once you learn it, it's wonderful and you can stop worrying about the balance and enjoy the wind in your hair and feel of the road under your wheels.  And when your balance starts to waver, you feel it right away and can fix it before you fall.